my first breakdown

So, today, in the English office, mrs. tough one - no one bugs me - everything is fine - me, stressed? lady CRIES. Yessiree. One teacher came and asked me how I was. I couldn't speak. And then it started, the whole feeling like my face would become a potato and the choking feeling. Then, my eyes welled up. This was a very embarrassing moment. She was shocked and asked me how I was. I couldn't speak. I just told her the the happiest place is my classroom. Period. I guess that is good. THe show goes on. When I was prodded, I told her about my husband's health thing and I just started whimpering like an idiot. She was so nice. Wish I had her as a master teacher.

I still have no idea what will happen. He has a doctor's appt at 5 on friday. Maybe he should have stuck with teaching. Everyone says he will be a superintendent. I don't give a flying shit. I just want him to read his poetry and teach at this point. Even if he goes back to teaching he will make his administrator's salary which where he is, is three times what I will be making next year. So, the kids just won't go to the conservatory for piano lessons. big fucking deal. I even told him to see about finding a job closer to where we live. I guess that is a possibility. it's just not worth it.

which is a very strange thing because I was actually thinking of going into admin. Not a VP or P type thing, but maybe something having to do with curriculum since that is what i did in my old district.

Maybe i should just teach at a community college.

Maybe I should just be a stay at home mom again. I can roll dolmas, go on playdates with other moms, go to the park, eat ice cream and jump on the bed while I read curious george, finger paint, and have a smoke at night reading anne carson. However, "What will i be when I grow up?"